“Aging is not for the faint of heart.
It requires a slower pace, a steadier step,
and the wisdom to say goodbye without fear.”
—Meryl Streep

“I never heard of a jazz musician who retired.
You love what you do, so what are you
going to do, play for the walls?”
—Nat Adderley

I’ve been thinking about retirement.

For old road dogs like me, retirement is a tricky proposition.

Do we even want to retire? We love what we do. Why should we stop?

Occasionally you'll hear about a musician retiring “from stage to page,” exchanging public performance for the solitary work of composing music or writing a memoir. Others become painters, poets, or novelists. That's less retirement than reinvention.

Nobody expects us to retire. Most of our heroes didn’t. Unlike professional athletes, jazz musicians don’t “age out” of the business. When our strength, stamina, or chops begin to wane, we adapt. We simplify. We change our style.

Most of us can’t afford to retire. Self-employed artists rarely make enough to build any real retirement savings, and many end up with modest Social Security benefits. We’re responsible for our own healthcare. We don’t get paid vacations. We don’t receive paychecks, pensions, or 401k matching funds. We’re out here on our own.

A fortunate few get to expire on the bandstand. Bonus points if you drop dead during the applause, right after your brilliant solo! This exit strategy is called The Big Finish. We should all be so lucky.

The retirement plan for most of us, however, is The Slow Fade. You keep working because you must. Over time your health, mobility, and mental sharpness begin to decline. At the same time you experience a decrease in professional activity and cultural relevance. It feels like ageism, but it’s entropy. Fewer gigs, smaller crowds, less attention. A gradual slide from relative notoriety into obscurity and, eventually, total anonymity.

Fading out was never my plan. I wanted to finish the story on a high note. I wanted to go out on top.

When I was first starting out, I envisioned my career as a steady climb upward until finally, in my ultimate season, the capstone: a glorious Farewell Tour! I imagined joyously returning to all my favorite festivals, clubs, and concert halls for one final performance. I would play my heart out, then retire to a quiet life of leisure.

Now both of those dreams—the steady ascent and the victory lap—sound grandiose and incredibly naive to me. I've had a good run, but it felt less like scaling a mountain than navigating a winding river. Not a disciplined escalation so much as a cunning negotiation of life’s twists and turns, ebbs and flows, ups and downs.

Nevertheless, the idea of “a quiet life of leisure” sounds pretty good right about now.

After ten thousand gigs and half a century of hustling, I'm ready to rest, though the rewards of a life in music rarely arrive in a brokerage account. Most of them are non-monetary. I can't afford to quit working—not anytime soon, not in this economy.

I’ll need to keep earning a living for the foreseeable future—and perhaps that’s for the best. Creating, performing, and contributing are what give my life meaning. I would surely miss the connection with the audience and my bandmates, were I to leave it all behind.

But I can’t just keep going until the wheels fall off, and I won’t wait around for the slow fade to occur naturally. I must shape the process intentionally, little by little.

This body, mind, and spirit call for a deliberate downshift to a sustainable pace.

Maybe “retirement” isn't the right word. Maybe what I'm after is merely a gentler tempo.

I’ll continue to make the best music I can for as long as I can, for whomever is listening. I’ll simply do more with less: smaller projects, shorter tours, fewer gigs. From here on, it’s quality over quantity.

No retirement party.
No celebratory splash.
No farewell tour.

Just a long, slow decrescendo.

Diminuendo al niente.

“We don't stop playing because we grow old;
we grow old because we stop playing.”
—George Bernard Shaw

Can it really be true?

Is this year already half over?

Damn. For “The Year of Slow Living” it sure is going by awfully fast!

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. After all, they do say “time flies when you’re having fun,” and I’m having plenty.

Because finally, after weeks of digital exercises, physical therapy sessions, and care team visits, my flugelin’ hand has fully healed from surgery.

I’m back to doing what I love: traveling, making music, living the dream. I’m even writing again!
 

There’s nothing like being sidelined for a while to make you appreciate getting back in the game.

Looking ahead, I remain mindful of two very important things:

1. I can’t stop working (so I sure as hell better pace myself), and
2. I can’t do this alone.

I’ve never been more grateful for my family, friends, and fans.

Your love and support mean the world to me.

Onward!

“Der mentsh trakht un got lakht.”
Man plans and God laughs.
—Yiddish Proverb

In my most recent slow living update, posted at the end of March, I was upbeat.

The curse had been lifted!

The one-battle-after-another constant crises of 2025 were in our rear view mirror.

This was a brand new year, I sighed with relief. The Year of Slow Living.

I was encouraged, because the first quarter had been entirely free of drama. I'd been able to sustain a gentle, stress-free lifestyle for three full months, managing the RA and making all my gigs without incident or injury.

Moreover, springtime had awakened in me a resurgent feeling of purpose. I felt confident and ready to take on the month of April and its more demanding tour schedule.

“I’m not worried,” I wrote. “I’ll take my time and enjoy the journey. My only job is to pace myself.”

You know what happens next: Man plans, and God laughs.

Two days later I’m in the hospital, the entire tour is canceled, and slow living is suddenly, and quite literally, “just what the doctor ordered.” I was given no choice. I'd been sidelined. The month ahead would now be, out of necessity, entirely about rest, recovery, and rehabilitation.

Being sidelined is scary. After all, there's no “paid leave” in our line of work. Fortunately, I haven't had to face this alone. I'm so grateful for the support we received this month from caring friends and family members.

I’m not gonna lie. These solitary weeks in the hunker bunker have not been easy. 

I've been working hard, faithfully following the PT program designed by my care team, stretching the joints and tendons, incrementally pushing through the pain, gradually rebuilding strength and endurance. And I've been diligently practicing rudiments on the horn for a little longer each day, steadily recovering dexterity and fine motor function in my hand and fingers. 

Now it's time to suit up, get back out there, and face the music once again!

Tomorrow is my first gig since the surgery, but I’m not worried.

I’ll take my time and enjoy the journey.

My only job is to pace myself.

Only one more week remaining here in the hunker bunker! I’m fighting the good fight.

Hand rehab is going well: 90 minutes of PT weekly, plus prescribed exercises several times daily.

I’m not yet able to fully extend my fingers or make a fist, but I’ve recovered most sensation and flexibility, and the pain is almost entirely gone, which is encouraging.

Most importantly, I’m able to practice for a little longer each day, so it should be safe to return to work soon.

The stiffness in my fumbling flugel fingers, however, is supremely frustrating!

Passages I could play before with lyrical ease are now difficult to execute.

So it’s back to basics: scales, patterns, and etudes. Shout out to my old nemesis Herbert L. Clarke!

I play each exercise slowly with the metronome, gradually increasing the tempo, only after I’m able to place each note precisely and with equal weight. It’s mind-numbing work, but necessary.

Meanwhile, I’m also battling the bean-counting bureacrats of the deviously labyrinthine Medical-Industrial Complex. Sigh. #IYKYK

In the martial art of Aikido, the Japanese term “randori” (乱取り), literally “seizing chaos,” is an advanced technique in which the practitioner must improvise a defense against multiple attackers.

Opponents strike randomly using a variety of weapons. The unarmed randori master, alone at the center of this chaotic whirlwind, remains relaxed and ostensibly motionless. He anticipates, reacts, and deflects, expending little effort, even as he sends assailants flying in every direction.

What a beautiful and inspiring image!

To calmly face all of life’s battles—mental, physical, financial, existential—with grace.

Seizing chaos! Stillness within motion. You dig?

Fortunately, we don't have to fight every battle alone!

Thank you all for your encouragement and support.

“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is Patience.”
—Ralph Waldo Emerson

It’s been a week since my surgery and I’m feeling cautiously optimistic.

The hand seems to be healing and there’s no sign of any lingering infection.

I’m grateful for the generous support we’ve received, and all the encouraging messages from family and friends.

It really helps, at times like this, to know that people care.

I’ve been doing my part, following doctor’s orders:

• taking the antibiotics and pain meds,
• resting well and sleeping through the night,
• scheduling follow-up visits and physical/occupational therapy sessions,
• keeping the bandaged right hand clean, dry, elevated, and stationery, and
• learning to use my left hand for literally everything.

Chops-wise, progress is slow.

A week in the hospital without practicing definitely weakened my embouchure, but the flugelhorn and I are becoming friends again.

I started with Donald Duck mouthpiece rudiments (much to Sassy’s delight), then transitioned to lefty long tones and lip slurs on the horn.

The real work begins next Friday. That’s when they’ll remove my stitches and I can start to regain strength and facility in my dominant hand.

I know myself. I’ll be tempted to try and speed things along by playing through the pain, but that would risk further injury.

The experts advise to start slowly, practice for a few minutes, then add 5 additional minutes each day.

The idea is to gradually rebuild endurance and fine motor function until I can play comfortably for a couple of hours.

Then, and only then, can I safely return to work.

I’m determined to get this right.

“You should've seen the other guy.”

Curveball—last week I was unexpectedly hospitalized for emergency hand surgery.

I'm now home, beginning several weeks of healing, recovery, and physical therapy. 

The plan is to gradually rebuild strength and dexterity until it’s safe to return to work. 

I'm also using speech-to-text and learning to do a few things left-handed—slowly but surely.

I hope to resume public performances at the end of this month.

Replacing the lost income won’t be easy. When all this began I had no choice but to cancel my participation in 17 engagements, including a California tour—heartbreaking, but necessary.

Fortunately, the concert presenters have been very understanding. We were able to preserve most of the dates for my bandmates. I’m relieved that my setback won’t significantly impact their livelihoods.

As for me, I’m taking things at a slower tempo, trusting the process, and looking forward to getting back out there.

Thank you for your support, which means the world to me, especially at times like this.

I’m grateful for all of you, and look forward to seeing you again soon.

Warmly,
Dmitri

That’s a wrap on the first quarter! 

So far, so good.

RA-wise, I’m doing better. The pain is manageable, but the fatigue is frustrating, especially on show days.

I’ve never been a particularly powerful player, but I now require lots of rest breaks. Fortunately, my bandmates don’t mind spelling me from time to time.

The biologic medications are definitely helping. Progress is slow, but the rheumatologist advises me to be patient and stay the course. For the foreseeable future that means daily meds, weekly injections, monthly blood tests, quarterly x-rays, and regular doctor visits. I’ll begin physical therapy as soon as the insurance approval comes through.

Meanwhile, I’m making progress learning how to live and work with this condition.

We played twelve gigs this month, just enough to cover expenses. There was one cancellation due to weather, a significant loss financially, but the surprise “snow day” was a welcome gift.

As we prepare for more travels and adventures, I find myself reflecting on the month of March and why it always feels so laden with meaning.

March heralds the arrival of spring, a fertile time of natural and spiritual renewal, when new life begins as winter melts away.

Named for Mars, the god of war, March is also a battle cry. When spoken aloud, the word itself may trigger a visceral response. “March.” It strikes the ear like a command, to move forward.

Now here’s where it gets personal. 

Throughout the 1990s and early aughts in San Francisco, March was “Matheny Music Month,” when we staged the annual Dmitri Matheny Home Season. 31 days and nights filled with special programs, including workshops, commissions, charity events, scholarships, artists-in-residence, collaborations, premieres, symposia, talks, and performances for the home town crowd.

We borrowed the idea from dance companies: build a program in the winter, showcase it in the spring, tour it in the summer and fall.

The formula worked.

Our March series became an annually anticipated event in the jazz community, while providing the framework for one energetic, somewhat delusional, young flugelhornist to launch a career in one of the world’s great cultural meccas.

It enabled me, fresh out of college, to immerse myself in the vibrant Bay Area arts community, collaborating with respected elders, creating new connections, building audiences. And it provided the means to maintain a visible profile at home while making a name for myself on tour.

My heart swells with gratitude when I remember all our partners in the project, from our fellow creatives, to the generous patrons who made it all possible. I’m especially grateful for the journalists and volunteers.

Remember, email was brand new and social media didn’t yet exist. To get the word out, we relied on word-of-mouth, postal mailings, and coverage in the traditional print and broadcast media.

We organized volunteers into “mailing parties” and “street teams.” The older folks would sit around my kitchen table, sticking postage stamps and address labels onto thousands of invitations, newsletters, and media releases. The younger ones distributed stacks of handbills and flyers to nightclubs, cafes, community bulletin boards, coffee shops, grocery stores, libraries, laundromats, and other high-foot-traffic areas in the region. It was a monumental undertaking on a shoestring budget.

Sigh. That was long ago. We made a splash at the time, but in the scheme of things, did it matter? Many of the venues, publications, and people involved are sadly no longer around. 

And yet. I still feel the tug and twinge of those “March Madness” years. Like the itch of a phantom limb after amputation, March awakens something in me.

Call it vestigial ambition. Embers from an old fire. Forgotten, but not gone.

Now April is here and we’re on the road again. 17 events in Washington, Oregon, and Northern California.

I’m not worried. I’ll take my time and enjoy the journey.

My only job is to pace myself.

This is The Year of Slow Living.

The mission is to pace myself and persevere.

February was just right — the perfect balance of work and rest.

We’ve enjoyed the rain this month, ideal for cozy evenings by the fire. Sass is disappointed we haven’t had any snow, but personally, I don’t miss it. Winter driving is no joke, especially over these northwest mountain passes! No snow or hail for me, thanks. But rain? Rain is life.

On show days I endeavor to practice effortless action. Easing into the morning calmly and mindfully, I do what is necessary, one thing at a time. Then I pack up the van and hit the road early, allowing plenty of stress-free travel time. I listen to music and enjoy the drive, remaining alert, taking breaks.

When I arrive early, the performance takes care of itself. Prepare, adapt, enjoy.

We gave our new program a “soft launch” this month on a couple of low pressure gigs, and the results were encouraging. This show is a crowd-pleaser, lively and entertaining, but isn’t overly demanding. The flashy flugel-heavy moments are balanced by opportunities to rest while we feature other members of the band.

These strategic breaks will prove especially important when we play consecutive shows, but I hope to avoid too many back-to-back engagements this year. So far the itinerary looks manageable. We have 81 confirmed gigs, and will accept no more than 100, so we can be selective as new opportunities arise.

On the RA front, I have good days and bad days. The biologic medications are definitely working, and I’m grateful for the functionality and mobility they help to make possible.

Some stiffness and soreness has returned, however, since I went off prednisone. Occasionally I have flares, random periods of pain and brain fog, and I often experience extreme fatigue the day after doing anything strenuous. Recovery days have become mandatory.

When I ask about remission, the rheumatologist reminds me that “this is a marathon, not a sprint.” I dig, but marathons are exhausting. Nevertheless, we move forward.

Today is the first day of March and the beginning of our busy spring season. 

Important to stay on top of things without becoming overwhelmed. 

Slow living is the key. Rise with the sun, tend my garden, play my role. 

Rest. Repeat.

I really miss the beautiful sylvan canopy that shaded our backyard when we first bought this house a decade ago.

I remember noticing the soothing sound of the wind through the trees when we first toured the property.

But a few years after we moved in, one of our neighbors decided to cut down and remove his big pines. Our view to the west changed dramatically that day, and not for the better.

Now, in the interest of safety, we’re clearing all the “widow-maker” dead and dying branches from our own treetops, and the result is visually bleak. The old-growth sentinels now look half naked, and one tree had to be removed entirely.  So sad.

Apparently this kind of tree maintenance is a responsibility familiar to northwest homeowners, but I grew up in the desert. This experience (and the expense) have caught me entirely by surprise.

So we’ve planted a dozen new happy little trees. 

I won’t see them reach maturity, but will enjoy watching them grow.

I love the month of January, when it’s my custom to take a break from traveling and performing.

January is when I return to myself. I stay home, reflect, recharge, plan, and prepare for the year ahead.

Mornings are spent fireside, writing music, practicing, and scheduling new tours and concert appearances. Afternoons are for puppy walks and errands. Evenings are pure relaxation.

This year I really needed the reset. 2025 was utterly exhausting! I’m determined to do a better job of pacing myself in 2026, which I’ve christened “The Year of Slow Living.”

So far, so good. January 2026 was just what it needed to be: both rejuvenating and productive.

Accomplished month one objectives while maintaining a relaxed, measured, calm and deliberate pace. No stress. Wu-wei.

Visited two doctors, the dentist, and mechanic, prepared most of the quintet arrangements for this season’s show, broke-in my new horn and mouthpiece, adapted to my new RA meds, and confirmed 75 of the 100 gigs we will play this year. Excelsior!

Also caught up on sleep and dreams.

Now it all starts up again.

Ready? Let’s do this.

Welp, after a year of steady progress, I managed to get within spitting distance of my goal weight, but was thwarted in the final stretch by the delicious treats of the holiday season! Predictable.

No matter! Will start fresh, and begin anew, on January 1. 

I wonder: how long will it take to break 200? 

When will I earn that GL “willpower” ring?

I resolve to maintain a simple, stress-free lifestyle built on gentle, sustainable habits.

1. Physical Health

Drink black coffee, unsweetened tea, and water.

Eat one meal a day, favoring vegetables and protein.

Limit consumption of alcohol, sugar, snacks, dairy.

Prioritize a daily nature walk and afternoon nap.

Stay current with prescription medications.

Visit the doctor and dentist twice annually.

Monitor blood pressure and weight.

Get plenty of quality sleep.

2. Mental Health

Avoid burnout. Say “no thank you” easily and often.

Stay connected. Reach out. Make time for friends and family.

Begin each day with affirmations. End each day with gratitude.

Talk less. No need to complain, explain, or entertain.

Schedule a multi-day solo retreat every 3-4 months.

Curtail consumption of news and social media.

Read. Rest. Sit quietly. Listen to music. Smile.

3. Finances

Practice frugality and minimalism. Limit spending to essentials. Give and receive simple gifts.

Make one money move (deposit, investment, bill payment, debt reduction) each and every day.

Pay off high interest cards and loans. Maintain current accounts. Keep credit utilization below 30%.

Avoid air travel and rental cars. Van-camp whenever possible. Don’t waste money on lodging.

Keep van and horn in good repair. Schedule an inspection before every big road trip.

Maintain OMAD and warrior diet protocols even when traveling.

4. Music / Business

Pace yourself. The hustle-and-grind years are over.

Do less of everything, but more deeply. Make it count.

Cast a wide net. Offer opportunities, follow-up, move on.

Never multi-task. Focus on a single project or tour at a time.

Value efficiency and sustainability over productivity.

Strive for slow, steady, incremental improvement.

Focus on community and collaboration.

Be purposeful, not ambitious.

Stay curious and inspired.

Made it home safely to sweet Sass and the fur-babies!

Since my bio-clock is still on midwest time, and Scout is a “morning person,” we’ve added an early AM neighborhood walk to our schedule. During today’s chilly moonlit ramble I reflected on Michigan, why I love the place so much, and why I keep returning.

The Great Lakes State figures prominently in my origin story. 

It’s the first place I lived after leaving home, where I first became serious about music, and where I found out what it means to live as an artist. It’s where I learned the values and habits that have nourished and sustained me: how to be creatively resourceful, emotionally resilient, financially independent. How to be a citizen of the world. It’s where the boy became the man.

So many “firsts” happened for me in Michigan. It’s where I met my first benefactor and my first great music mentor. It’s where I prepared my first concert as bandleader, and where I played my first paid gig. It’s also where I first experienced romantic obsession and heartbreak. 

I accepted my calling there, that “mournful yet grand” destiny of which Liszt spoke, the internal narrative which has shaped my entire life. The place is absolutely redolent with personal meaning, and each time I return to that poignant landscape, its familiar sights and sounds and smells bring back a rush of emotion, and my affinity for Michigan only deepens.

When I was planning this trip, I intended to include other favorite midwest venues in Chicago, Milwaukee, and Cleveland, but I simply ran out of time. Before I knew it I had filled every available date with “mitten bidness” — 21 concerts and workshops in as many days! 

I’m glad it worked out that way. 

The trip felt like a homecoming, not just back to my beloved Michigan, but back to myself. 

These past few years have been challenging, ruminating over the loss of my father, facing my own mortality, dealing with the financial impact of the pandemic, struggling with anxiety.

Yet in Michigan, standing before the brilliant Diego Rivera frescoes at the Detroit Institute of Arts, I had this epiphany: returning here has reminded me of who I am. 

Road life is rewarding, but it can also be exhausting, especially after so many trips around the sun. 

However, today I feel rejuvenated. I now believe I have another decade of traveling and performing in me, something I doubted before. 

October is the perfect time to visit Michigan. 

Criss-crossing the state, driving those winding backroads through the tunnels of trees, past all the rivers and lakes and farmhouses in the mist, with the autumn leaves swirling? Absolutely magical.
 

The other thing that made this trip so healing? The people.

My bandmates and I shared a big house together in Detroit. Lisa cooked Korean food for us, Tom shared several excellent bottles of wine, and we all talked late into the night about anything and everything. 

Our performances got stronger as we grew closer, something I haven’t experienced since my international travels with Amina Figarova years ago. 

But it wasn’t just my colleagues on the bandstand. 

All the venues were so warm and welcoming. 

The students and teachers were so inspiring. 

And the audiences were amazing! 

So much kindness, soulfulness, and generosity. So much joy.

Thank you, Michigan.

Be a man. Cowboy up! Don’t whine. Don’t complain. Just do what needs to be done.

Accomplish more with less effort. Use the tools of habit and ritual. Be resourceful.

Book extended tours: midwest (2023), western states (2024), east coast (2025).

Recommit to meal planning, black coffee, portion control, and nature walks.

Use fewer words. Say precisely what you mean and then stop talking.

Update duo, quintet, and big band repertoire. Prepare new sets.

Make time for long, meandering conversations with friends.

Maintain tourbus in excellent condition. Service regularly.

Update home security and emergency response plans.

Boost income from workshops by raising fees 20%.

Seek a mentor, a drinking buddy, and a side hustle.

Make the composition retreat an annual event.

Schedule a full week of rest in every season.

Stay humble. Stay hopeful. Stay grateful.

Take Sassy on a birthday vacation.

Selectively apply for grants.

Reduce debt by 10%.

Listen to the rain.

Learn to bowl.

Prepare.

Adapt.

This has been one for the history books!

It may take a little time before we return to pre-pandemic levels of activity. Several of our favorite venues, both at home and on the road, were sadly shuttered during the shutdown. For those that remain, the struggle is real. 

But thanks to YOU -- the clients, customers, friends and fans who sustain us -- little-by-little we’re getting back to business.

In 2022, the YEAR OF CASCADIA, we: 

traveled 33K miles
charted 11K spins and streams
 added 4K followers and subscribers  
played 132 concerts
directed 41 workshops 
produced 9 album release celebrations
 accompanied 8 talented vocalists 
headlined 7 music and arts festivals
published 6 original compositions 
planted 5 douglas firs
 recorded 4 podcasts 
arranged 3 large ensemble charts
completed 2 artist residencies
enjoyed 1 epic year 

Thank you for being part of it.

Here’s to 2023!

Cheers, 

~Dmitri

Finished the tour in Ashland, only a 375-mile drive from home, and the rain began to fall, as if on cue, just as I crossed into Oregon. 

The Old Siskiyou Barn is neither old nor a barn. It’s a hidden jewel of a recital hall, tucked into the canopied woods in the hills just south of Ashland. It boasts exemplary acoustics, a terrific piano, the earthy fragrance of ancient wood, and a metal roof that sings when it rains. It’s perfect. 

Darrell and I first performed here back when Starlight Cafe was released in 1998, and we’ve been fortunate to return many times over the years with our duo. 

This weekend we played a few favorites from the old repertoire, some new selections from our current recordings, and a brand new piece dedicated to the beautiful souls who created this place. Our friend Ed, concert producer and guitarist, joined us for a couple of songs including the premiere.

It occurs to me that I’ve worked this same circuit, up and down the left coast, for decades now, yet this trip felt different. Emotions are heightened. Everything carries a patina of significance. 

For one thing, audiences are just so delighted to finally be out of isolation, enthusiastic about returning to live events, and eager to connect with the performers. The pandemic is far from over, however, so that enthusiasm is tempered with an awkwardness about intimacy and proximity. Every post-concert meet-and-greet now has this oddly nervous “first date” energy. 

Also, there is a weird apocalyptic undertone to everything now. The steady drumbeat of negative news over the climate crisis, wildfires, disease, war, economic hardship, political extremism and more, is creating an atmosphere of fear that these may be the end times. I exaggerate, but only a little. If you listen carefully, you’ll hear doomsday language sprinkled into even the most mundane of verbal exchanges. People don’t feel safe anymore, all situations seem tenuous, so we’d better get serious and make sure whatever we’re doing matters. Admit it, you feel it too. 

But what really made this trip emotionally rewarding was all the reconnections with important people from my past.

Someone once said “the best mirror is an old friend.” Many of us have reached an age at which we’re reassessing the past and rethinking our place in the world. Some of us are even starting to question long held beliefs. There's nothing like a conversation with an old friend to help you find your way.

I really needed these reunions. It felt to me, on this tour, as if we were drawn together magnetically. Our conversations felt somehow predestined, or guided by the divine, if such a force exists. 
 

My heart is full.

Traveled 300 miles today from Arden-Arcade to Ashland. 

California, I miss you already, but I’ll be back again in the spring. Try not to burn up or fall into the ocean before then, m’kay? 

Paused for the cause in the resilient town of Weed. Happy to report that both the Mill and Mountain wildfires have been contained, power is restored, and our friends at the Hi-Lo are back in business, serving up the very best pie a la road! 
 

Crossing into Oregon I swear I could feel the seasons change from summer to fall! 

Found a sweet parking spot (#MattFoleyForever) and spent some time with Darrell Grant’s tunes in preparation for tomorrow’s show in Ashland. 

Nice work if you can get it.

Logged 147 miles this weekend traveling back and forth from my base camp, a bucolic farm in Fairfield, to the bustling cities of San Francisco and Oakland.
 

Friday's venue was Bird & Beckett, a cozy Glen Park (SF) indie bookstore that hosts live jazz every weekend. Eric, the owner, is so hip that he named his shop for Samuel Beckett and Charlie Parker! 

Saturday was the Sound Room Oakland, my favorite music venue in Northern California (and I've played them all). Proprietors Karen and Robert just do everything right, and the sound engineer Carey is top notch.
 

Although the band had no opportunity to rehearse, everyone did their homework, listened to the album, prepared their individual parts, and showed up ready to play. We had a ball! Both performances went spectacularly, quite gratifying when performing for the hometown crowd.

Our drummer Deszon played especially well, later commenting that perhaps it's so easy for us to connect because we’ve known each other half our lives, playing together in different configurations for over 30 years! 

Between gigs I had a little free time in San Francisco, so I took a stroll down memory lane (aka Clement Street) and visited a few of my old haunts from back in the nineties.

Surprisingly little has changed! 

It’s comforting to know you can still pair a steamed pork bun from Wing Lee with a latte from Blue Danube, grab a slice from Georgio’s, or lose yourself in the stacks at Green Apple books. 

And it’s reassuring that the battalion of dusty Ultraman action figures still stands sentry, presiding over the Toy Boat gelato counter, silently awaiting your next visit.
 

Traveled 424 miles for jazz workshops at high schools and colleges in and around Sacramento, Silicon Valley, the Wine Country, and the East Bay. 

You never know what challenges or opportunities may arise on the road. I always try to have flexible plans that can adapt as circumstances change. I’m determined to enjoy every moment of this tour in spite of the historic heat wave. 

I love it here. I lived in the Bay Area for twenty years (1989-2009) so this trip feels like a homecoming.

Between gigs I’m reconnecting with old friends and my heart is full. 

Big thanks to Ann & Lalo, Mary & Peter, Julie, Tom, Ian, and Harvest Hosts for the hospitality!

Traveled 296 miles today from Ashland to Sacramento. 

The drive down was relatively uneventful. Saw smoky skies and plenty of fire devastation in and around the town of Weed. 

My beloved Hi-Lo Cafe was closed (sigh, no pie) and the entire downtown area is still without power, but the hot shots seem to be making progress. The Siskiyou Wildfire is now 40% contained. 

Out of the fire, into the frying pan! Northern California is experiencing record high temperatures this week. So grateful to have air conditioning 24/7 in the mobile man cave. Thank you IcyBreeze! 

Tonight’s encampment: a Harvest Host in Arden-Arcade! #AlliterationNation 

“Untethered.” 

That’s the best word I could find to express the particular brand of loss that consumed me after my father died. 

I wasn’t in mourning so much as weary and resigned to the cruel finality of mortality, both his and, by extension, my own. I was even a little relieved because his suffering was over. 

In a way, Dad and I had already progressed through the first four stages of grief together — from denial to depression — while he was still alive, in hospice care. Only acceptance remained. 

I miss him terribly, but truth be told, I’ve been missing him since long before he passed away. I miss the man he used to be, before Parkinson’s and dementia robbed him of his mobility, wisdom and good judgement. By the time he succumbed to the disease, it had already been many years since we’d had a real conversation. Many years since I could benefit from his sage advice. 

With both my parents now dead, and no siblings or children of my own, it’s no wonder that I felt like an orphan. I’d experienced an inkling of that emotion only once before … when my marriage ended. 

Erica Jong describes divorce as “a ritual scarring that makes anything that happens afterward seem bearable.” She’s not wrong. I was gutted by the loss, not only of my wife and home, but of her family, whom I’d come to think of as my own. And I was surprised to lose nearly all the friends we’d collected over our 14 years together. It’s deeply unsettling and disorienting, after so many years, to no longer be responsible for, or accountable to, anyone. 

But even during the dark days of my divorce, Daddy Bill was there to commiserate and console. He was in my corner always. He never wavered. And now he’s gone. 

Because of the pandemic, I wasn’t able to be with him when he died, but I did visit him frequently during his final few years. I would return to Arizona for a week or more each season, and would sit with him for hours each day before heading off to the evening gigs that paid my travel costs. 
 

It’s difficult to know whether these extended seasonal visits to his assisted living facility were a genuine comfort to my father. He was embarrassed by his circumstances, and often when I returned each morning he didn’t remember seeing me the previous day. But every now and then his eyes would twinkle and he'd say something remarkably funny or insightful. He was still in there. 

Even in hospice care Dad somehow maintained a sweet disposition. For all his charm, however, he mostly avoided socializing with the other residents, opting instead to merely exchange pleasantries at meal time, then return to isolation. He had no interest in group activities or parlor games. He was a man who treasured his solitude, who loved to get outside and explore, but whose world had become oppressively small: a single twin bed in a tiny shared room. He often told me that he felt like a prisoner. It was heartbreaking. 

Sadly, he was no longer a man of letters, either. Books, his lifelong companions, were no longer of any interest. His hands weren’t steady enough to write, his eyes weren’t strong enough to read, and his attention span wasn’t long enough to follow the narrative of a novel or movie. Much of the correspondence sent to him remained unread. He appreciated postcards, greeting cards, small talk, and short conversations, even phone calls, as long as someone could help him operate his device. 

Most days I would just sit at his bedside and watch him drift in and out of sleep, while the TV spewed a continuous stream of conservative news and sports highlights. Sometimes we would talk about the weather or listen to an Eva Cassidy song. Occasionally we would venture into the other shared spaces of the care home, or sit outside on the patio, just for a change of scenery. But Dad needed to remain near the bathroom at all times, so we couldn’t go far. 

When he was able, we would shuffle around the tiny patch of desert surrounding the house. He tried valiantly to do it without his wheelchair or walker, but it was only a matter of time before even these small, slow walks around the block were too much for him. Yet even during our last few walks, although he struggled to finish a thought, he could still recall the latin names of all the neighborhood flora and fauna!

Dad’s been gone for over a year now and the world is diminished by his absence. I miss him something awful. And I must confess, while I don’t necessarily believe in an afterlife, I do find myself talking to him in quiet moments. I wonder what he would think of my life choices. I hope he would approve. 

Thankfully, I feel a little more “tethered” these days as I make a sincere effort to reconnect with distant friends and extended family. It’s especially comforting to spend time with other people who knew and loved him. 

Mostly I just feel grateful for everything he was, and will remain, in memory.

A man’s reach should exceed his grasp, or what’s heaven for? 
—Robert Browning 

About a year ago I wrote an obituary for my father. 

I sorted through his letters and personal papers, created a list of his educational and professional accomplishments, and attempted to fashion the mercurial vagabond voyage that was his life into some sort of cohesive linear narrative. 

I tried my best, but tributes never quite capture a subject’s true essence. This is especially the case with Daddy Bill, a great man who eschewed all markers of greatness. He didn’t care a whit about fame, gain, or material success. 

The part of his obit that feels 100% right to me is this: 

Throughout his life, Matheny generously shared his love of nature with others,
inspiring many of his students, friends and family members to develop their own
deep appreciation for the natural world. This is his great and lasting legacy. 

That legacy was underscored for me by the many people who reached out personally to tell me what Bill Matheny had meant to them. There’s no question: the man was beloved. He died without property or prestige, but his reach was wide. He will long be remembered as someone who made a positive difference in the lives of others. 

Unlike my Dad, I’ve always been ambitious and more than a little selfish. I knew better than to expect fame or fortune, but all my life I’ve worked harder than most of my contemporaries, powered by “main character syndrome” and the sincere belief that I was on track to become an historically significant artist. 

I now understand that goal to be unrealistic. 

Mind you, I’m a far better musician than I used to be. My new album will be my best, and I’m not done yet! I'll continue to strive for incremental improvement, greater authenticity, and soul. 

But my talents are limited. At age 56, there simply aren’t enough years left for me to join my jazz heroes on Mount Olympus. Instead, I now hope to live up to my father’s simple example of sharing with, and inspiring, others. 

Like the song says, “the greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”

Well my friends, it may take several years before we can return to pre-pandemic levels of activity. But little-by-little we’re getting back to business, ever grateful for the clients, customers, friends and fans who sustain us. This year we: 
 

staged 81 concerts and events

welcomed 75 generous album backers

published 50 memoir blog posts 

gave 23 private lessons

conducted 19 workshops 

collected 12 vintage treasures 

recorded 10 songs

headlined 9 festivals 

bottled 8 jars of homemade hot sauce 

completed 7 new compositions 

played 5 live stream shows 

traversed 4 western states 

received 3 doses of DollyVax 

hosted 2 brilliant visiting artists 

rescued 1 precious puppy

and consumed 2197 hours of television (sigh).

Here’s to a happier, healthier, and more productive 2022.

Onward and upward! 

~Dmitri

(To J.)

Please go away and be my friend, 

This cup of fire let pass from you — 

Because I know it’s not the end 

I’ll only spill a tear or two. 

Your laugh, your touch, your kiss I’ll need, 

But these are only part of you — 

Your other gifts to me indeed 

My strength, my will to live, renew. 

The on the other hand reproof, 

Of language and “what’s right for me” — 

(Don’t think I’m really that aloof) 

Of these, at least, I’ll soon be free! 

So think of love quite seriously 

And to your new affairs attend; 

What’s left for now’s enough for me — 

Please go away and be my friend.

          —Bill Matheny

Thank God for the morning 
To drive away the hobgoblins of the soul 
That haunt and terrorize through the night. 

Thank God for the morning 
To cleanse away the dregs of the mind 
That corrupt and blaspheme all one’s sight. 

Thank God for the morning 
To pull away the spikes from the temple, 
That defile and weaken human might. 

Thank God for the morning — 
Now to look through the glass not darkly, 
Now to find the labyrinth gone; 
Now the new light dissipates the pain, 
And now the sunrise sets things right.

          —Bill Matheny